Monday, April 5, 2010

Left turn in the Odyssey

Sometimes I believe we can walk out of our own fairytale,
talk ourselves out of what may have been the best for ourselves,
but perhaps in the end it was the best
to make that left
in the journey,
while on our voyage in our personal Odyssey,
we were ever learning
but now its time to put the life lessons to work,
even past the hurt,
life moves on.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Why not vulnerabilty?

Dear Diary(reader),
Vulnerable,1capable of being physically or emotionally wounded 2 open to damage or attack
Fear,desire to escape danger.
Apprehensive, fearful
Inadequate, not sufficient; inept or unsuitable. Syn; defective,imperfect, incomplete
Disappointment, syn; failure, defeat, frustration
Refrain, hold back; forbear
Reliable, dependable in achievement, accuracy, honesty SYN; authentic, consistent
Trustworthy emphasizes the steady and honest dependability which encourages one's confidence, belief, or trust:
So I'm just a tad apprehensive about falling in love. I love love, love to give love, love to show love, but a little scarred about letting [someone] love me (being vulnerable) in fear of being inadequate. In other words... with a desire to escape danger of capably being emotionally wounded, damaged or attacked, I hold back from love in fear that love will be let down by ... imperfect me.
The crazy thing is... I've never really been in love(Eros) and been loved mutually. I've cared deeply for someone based on an unrealistic reality. But I have not been in a 'true' enough relationship to say "I don't want to be hurt again". But... growing up I have had my share of love(philo) in my life who were supposed to be trust worthy, honest, and thought to have had my best interest at heart, only to realize the exact opposite.
I remember being 17 and bursting into tears because the feeling of disappointment had once again knocked on the door of my heart only to remind me that "Hey who can you really trust anyway?". Since then, realizing that the issue has never really been trust as in "keeping it confidential" but more of reliability.


To be all the way real, this is how I feel with God sometimes; scared, alone, unsuitable, unworthy... but the more I get to know Him, the more I see none of my insecurities matter to Him. He's real and He loves me. As a matter of fact, He loves me unconditionally, which sometimes scares me more because I do not want to let Him down.

Welcome to the Transition.
"Your Arms" http://bit.ly/7zzPwC




Monday, January 18, 2010

Personal Promise

I will not get distracted
I will stay focused
I will not forfeit my destiny
I will stay loyal
To the call on my life and the destiny in my heart
No matter the turmoil, I will not fall apart
I will trust myself and the God in me
Go with my first mind and decide my destiny
I will not let life deal as it will
I will count the cards, I will count the cost
He's GLORY be revealed
I will not only survive but live life to the fullest
Change my mindset, I'll rule with the righteous
On earth and in heaven like my brother prayed it
On earth as in heaven like God ordained it.